Things that are Stupid

Verizon is stupid.

A week or so ago, our underground phone line was cut during some drainage work. I reported the problem to my local phone service provider. Here's a partial transcript of a message they left last week, on our home voice mail:

"Can you give us a call back and let us know if you're still having a problem? I'm not quite understanding exactly what is going on with your line. I understand, maybe, did they cut a wire or something, when they were doing the excavating? If you're still having the problem please call us back."

Hmm. Self healing wires. Great idea. Can you hear me now?

At least they eventually figured out to try the callback number I left them when I reported the problem.


Baby Einstein is stupid.

There's a video called Baby Shakespeare that is supposed to introduce infants and toddlers to language, poetry, literature, etc. The problem is, they picked the worst poetry imaginable. One poem mixes metaphors in a single sentence:
"Snow is a mind falling, a continuous breath of climbs, loops, spirals dips into the earth like white fireflies..."
Wait, is it like a mind or like breath? Or fireflies? I'm confused.

Another one, talking about a frog says:
the same one who probably announced the spring floods...
I think you mean, "probably the same one". I don't think you can probably announce something last spring.

They also get one poem wrong - a great old Ogden Nash piece about Custard the Dragon. He had scales underneath, not spikes. Scales.

But the kicker is probably the little Mirror Me book that has a cow who puffs his cheeks. His cheeks? I grew up in suburbia, and even I know that cows are girls and bulls are boys. These things are supposed to make kids smarter?


Our goats are stupid.

Okay, that's a little harsh. I guess it's our ignorance, rather than theirs. Goats have a heirarchy. They have a herd queen who leads them out into pasture and decides where to graze. Our "herd" consists of a timid two year old and two little ones. Betsy went from low on the totem pole to having her own herd. Only she's not ready for it. She doesn't go out grazing. She just stays by the gate, pining for one of us to go out and lead her. And the two little ones stay right there with her. When we go into the pasture, they chomp like mad. Hunger apparently hasn't persuaded them to change course yet. We may have to add a more assertive goat. Maybe the donkey will be their leader.

It is interesting to wander around and stand by different plants, to see what they like, and what they don't like. Too bad I don't know what half of the plants are yet.


I'm stupid.

In the past two weeks, I've lost two different tools, to the point of having to buy new ones. The tin snips, were found in the back seat of my car. I don't know why. I suspect the jack is hidden under some tall grass somewhere out there. Unfortunately, I couldn't just cut the grass to find it, because I needed the jack to fix the flat tire on the tractor, and I needed the tractor to cut the grass. I've also misplaced any number of other items and had to spend three times as long wandering back and forth looking for them. Someday I will learn to put things away when I'm done with them. I hope.