Animals love the rich, meaty taste of E4

To nearly every member of the animal kingdom, there is no treat more savory, no delicacy more sought after, than yours truly. Mosquitoes choose me over every other person within a mile radius, and the chiggers line up as though I were a half-price Sunday buffet at Ponderosa. My brother-in-law used to have a dog named Buster who would lick my hands and arms by the hour if I'd let him, and our old cat Nene used to do the same (though his sandpaper tongue usually shortened his opportunities, as I'd rather keep my skin the usual thickness). Our donkey lets me scratch his head for a few seconds, but then has to taste my hand, as does the horse next door. The goats nibble my fingers, arms, knees, and earlobes any time they have access to them. (At least I know I'm not alone in this one, as my wife can attest.) Even the last petting zoo we visited, I had a strange urge to pet a deer, and the deer promptly began licking my hand.

Okay, I have to stop for a second. As I was writing this, I felt something on my arm, near my elbow. A tick! A tick that had not yet attached itself, but was eagerly trying to do so. I am not making this up!

I was glad to learn that for some unknown reason, goats don't get ticks, and in fact, they deter them from the pasture. And despite our pond and marsh, and a generally low-lying property, Mother Nature is doing a fine job taking care of the mosquito population for us.

Nevertheless, I'm kind of afraid to go to the zoo now, or to The Wilds as is our plan in a couple weeks. I think they have mostly herbivores at The Wilds, but still, I don't want to get tangled up in a two-foot long giraffe tongue, or have a rhino chase me down just to see if everything they've heard is true.

I can't explain it. It just is.